By Laurie O'Garro
Article from ezine
When reflecting on anger and its impact on us emotionally and spiritually, it occurred to me that if we could identify the source of that anger, we could begin the process of healing past hurts.
Set out below are what I believe are five origins of anger. Think back to the last time you became angry and take a look at the concepts below. See if your anger can be traced to one of the five origins, or a combination of them.
1. You believe you are right about something and the other person is wrong:
We all believe we are right and others are wrong! What are you right about?
· how to raise children properly
· how materialistic the world is
· the best way to educate children
We are often unaware of how often we judge ourselves to be right about something, while judging others to be wrong. But it follows that if I am labouring under the assumption that I am right, so is everybody else.
If I believe strongly that I am right about something, I run the risk of coming into conflict with someone else who believes him- or herself to be right about that same thing. If we hold opposing views on that subject and insist on defending our 'truth', anger is the result.
2. You believe your image is under attack
Anger results from our belief that our image is under attack. Here are some examples:
· someone says something that suggests to us that they perceive us as weak
· our status - as parents, managers or leaders - is challenged
· we are humiliated
If we have a low opinion of ourselves or a fragile ego based upon superficial values, we leave ourselves open to image attacks. We are constantly en garde, waiting for the next person to call our bluff and challenge our image. Anger is the mechanism we use to claw back what is left of our ego, when such challenges occur. It re-establishes us as the dominant one, the one with control and in control. The after effects of angry outbursts arising out of image attacks matter less to us at the time than the need to reclaim our status.
3. A sense of loss or grief
The loss could be the break up of your parents' relationship, the death of a loved one, or the loss of childhood innocence. It can be hard to express these feelings: we don't want to be seen as weak or fearful.
Anger can be a cover for fear, sadness or disappointment arising out of those feelings of loss. You feel you will eventually lose the people and things that are important to you. When it feels like history is about to repeat itself you protect yourself from the pain of loss by covering up with a show of aggression and bravado. It can be a case of 'let's do it to them before they do it to us', rejecting another before they reject you.
4. Feeling inadequate/inferior to others
· anger as a way of remaining a victim
· anger as a way of avoiding the truth
Anger can hide the fact that we feel inferior to others, inadequate or stupid. Angry outbursts are a smoke screen. They distract others from our sense of inadequacy. We put on a show of toughness and capability and let others know we are not to be messed with.
5. Anger as the only response we know
It's a rare parent that makes the decision to teach their children to manage their anger. It's ironic that we ensure our children learn to read and write, but very little conscious guidance is given to them on dealing with their anger. In the absence of such learning, they pick up what they can from the significant adults in their lives. If those adults react to everyday situations with anger, irritation or annoyance, it should come as no surprise when their children do the same. It is therefore crucial that adults model positive behaviour when it comes to expressing anger and also that they support their children in managing their own anger.
If we fail to address the origins of our anger, it becomes our default way of being. The next time you experience anger, take some time to explore its origins. Empowerment comes when we begin to see patterns in our behaviour only then begin to address them.
© Laurie O'Garro
I am a qualified teacher, living and working in South-East England. I design and deliver personal development programmes for young people and adults. I am committed to creating programmes that enable participants to discover their true natures and to be all they dream of being.
For more information, go to my website:
http://thinkagain-personaldevelopment.co.uk
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