CHARLOTTE MCPHERSON
c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
Article from Todays Zaman
Anger is an inescapable fact of life. Every culture has its own way of expressing it, and universal expressions of anger exist, too.
Here is a letter from a Today’s Zaman reader asking for help in understanding why some things make her angry…
Dear Charlotte: As I walk around İstanbul I can’t help but notice that people seem in such a rush and get angry so easily. Those who seem to get angry the quickest are drivers and people who think they are more important than others.
I’ve noticed that if drivers think they are delayed even slightly, they begin to honk their horns and sometimes a person will jump out of their car and start shouting. I have also noticed that people often get upset easily if a person pushes and elbows their way to the front to be served by an assistant or clerk. I never used to let these things get to me, but as I spend more time here, I find that I am getting angry over these things that used to make me chuckle. They are getting under my skin. Am I just going through some stage of culture shock? From: Ann (İstanbul)
Dear Ann: Thanks for the good question. You are not alone in how you are feeling. Depending on your upbringing and the culture where you now live, you may find that some things that did not initially disturb you may have begun to do so. It is good you are aware of this now. A friend was sharing with me the other day how employees in their workplace seem tense and get angry easily. My friend, who has a rather laidback personality, said the atmosphere was beginning to even affect him. Lots of people and situations can have the power to hurt or frustrate us; however, it is up to us whether or not we let it. It is our choice if we get angry. People do not make us angry. We allow ourselves to express our anger.
You are correct in thinking that it may be a stage of culture shock that you are going through. Anger is also known to be a phase a person passes through when they are in the process of dying. For those of us who are in touch with our feelings and emotions, it’s probably safe to say that all of us have had to work at not letting some people or situations make us angry or upset us. We have had to recognize that our response to feeling anger is our responsibility even though it feels as if the other person triggered our anger and caused our reaction. I think when we feel angry because of culture shock it is good to remember this point: What we do with our anger and how we express it and manage it is another matter.
Here are a couple of comments on my earlier piece, “Anger: Universally common or culturally unique?” (Feb. 16, 2012).
Zeynep wrote: “It’s true. Unfortunately I’m very impatient so I hurt myself because of this. I let my anger manage me instead of managing my anger. I show my anger by getting away from others, especially the people I’m angry with, and when I see them, I behave in a ridiculous way. I know this is wrong but I can’t overcome it. I know I have to leave this kind of attitude behind.”
Sharon said: “I’ve noticed after four years in Turkey that I and the Turks get angry for completely different reasons. I get angry when people do things that are unsafe: 1) Cars making 40 mph turns into green-light pedestrian crosswalks, scattering pedestrians and forcing us to run for our lives. 2) Parents not using seatbelts for their children. 3) People walking dogs off the leash in super-high traffic areas. I also get angry when people do things that directly harm my health: 4) smoking in public, 5) dropping garbage on the street. I have never once seen a Turk get mad about these sorts of things, and they are totally appalled when I get mad about them. In fact, I only ever see Turks get mad when another person has ‘out-machoed’ them, or when they risk losing money. For example: 1) Minibus drivers getting mad because a taxi passed them. They corner the taxi and abandon the minibus to scream at the driver. 2) People not being able to enter an over-sold pop concert, and screaming at management to refund their money. As an American, I think my anger is ‘taking the high road,’ as I’m trying to ‘make the world safe and healthy for everyone.’ But a Turk may feel that their anger is more justified because it shows they are smart enough to ‘look out for number one’.”
“Anger is an inescapable fact of life. But the experience of anger is different from the expression of anger.” -- John Ortberg
Note: Charlotte McPherson is the author of “Culture Smart: Turkey, 2005.” Please keep your questions and observations coming: I want to ensure this column is a help to you, Today’s Zaman’s readers. Email: c.mcpherson@todayszaman.com
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